you see that someone, who used to follow you, has pulled apart your writing, books, and poetry, strung pictures together with it, and lightly transformed your metaphors… calling it their own.

I wish to be set free,
to be let go,
to be in a place where
a friend is not the same
as a foe. 

I think thoughts such as these:

I wish to start my own family;
as the one I had was not kind to me.

Maybe if I create something humane,
I can find real love to maintain?
Inside of the innocent heart and mind
another part of my own life’s vine. 

I want to be flying in the sky
through a humid mist –
that is not made of tears - 

Tears –
the cause for cheers,
from the sharpest of spears,
made by the weakest of peers. 

How can I tell a pier from a pillar?
One’s half under the water.
One holds all the filler. 

Over a crowd,
I want to fly.
Right over their jeers.
I might feel so high,
so high. 

There,
for a moment,
not to live within their lie. 

There,
for a moment,
not to be held by their eye. 

Let me free to be… 
better than a clever lever,
Pulled to release the never never. 

Let me free to be… 
better than a leather tether,
tied to keep in the warmest of weather. 

Set me free
watch me grow.
Set me free and
let me go.

I’ll go away so high, so high.
Just set me free and I will fly. 

robbertvannielen:

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Haters, Homies, and Hoes

A Novel by Stacie Marie.

Cover art by Paul Cross.

Disclaimer: everything I ever type is total bullshit - even if I claim it isn’t (this is just done for characterization effects, for whom I portraying myself to be in my stories.  Everything that I may write to you is an affectation of a character).  All events that seems real are, in fact… fake, and are only meant to resemble reality.  Any connection to actual reality is purely coincidental. *sigh* Okay, glad I got that out of the way.  Let the storytelling begin! 

So, a few months after returning from NYC, and very shortly after my sister Marianne demanded that I sign a lease with her, she decided that she wanted to move to San Francisco to sow her wild oats, so to speak.  Yes, that’s right; she had tricked me into signing a lease so that she could then move out of that very conveniently located house downtown and move herself to San Francisco, California.  She planned on ditching her cat, her fish, and leaving her house for me to care for until she was ready to return, which she planned to be in about six months.  I was very unhappy about the plan.  And needless to say, I did not feel this plan of hers was very considerate.  I mean, all of a sudden, I was the single mother to a cat and the caretaker of a school of African Cichlids (which I knew very little about) and a large garden.  Also, I was the sole beneficiary of about $1,500 worth of rent/bills a month, with no roommates.  And the other person on the lease (Marianne) was leaving me high and dry.  Not a very nice trick.  I would much rather have rented a small efficiency or a one-bedroom apartment than to have suddenly been saddled with the responsibility of maintaining her lease, animals, and garden for her.  And, she expected all this from me.  As her sister I was supposed to support her plans to move to and fro, her plans to… fuck me over.  Well, I wasn’t.  I demanded that she find me some roommates to replace her.  

So my sister, feeling wrong about the situation (as she should have), found me two roommates: her lover Raúl and our old friend Gilberto.  This pacified the situation a bit, as Raúl and Gilberto were both acquaintances of mine from my high school days (in the small town I had lived after my father disappeared).  However, I did not know them well, and I hadn’t even seen Gilberto in about six years.  My sister assured me though that everything would be “just fine” as she packed her bags and prepared to leave for San Francisco.

“Mm, well, this is bound to be interesting,” I thought after she had presented my new roommates to me.  And I was secretly relieved about her departure.  We were not getting along well, as was usually the case.  I was tired of her constant bitching and putdowns.  It seemed that’s all she ever did.  So, while she was saddling me with the idea of maintaining her home and most of her things, I was glad that those things would be all I would have to maintain, as maintaining my composure around her was becoming very difficult. 

Now, I think it’s important to note here just how a person like myself feels about others who feel the need to constantly put people down.  Generally, in my life, I have found it to be true that people who are very insecure with themselves will put others down as a way to manifest their idea of superiority in their own minds.  I have never met a truly confident person who would go out of their way to degrade another human being.  This is something I find (possibly paradoxically) to be quite lowly and bully-esque.  And, I usually try to avoid putting other people down when I can.  However, I have no qualms about stating what I find to be the truth.  Such as, if I were to call someone an asshole, I would probably look at that as a matter of fact, not opinion.  I do not find matters of fact to be consistent with the idea of a putdown.  I find those types of matters of facts to be bold statements, truths housed by actions.  For example, if one were to beat someone senseless to steal two dollars from their wallet, I’d probably categorize that person as an asshole.  However, I would not sit around condemning another person for any actions they perform which don’t harm others.  Again, anyone who does not harbor the intent to harm another person is surely a cool motherfucker, and who am I to judge them?  Yeah, I most likely won’t.  While that doesn’t mean I will befriend just anyone…

Yet deciding to befriend Raúl and Giberto wasn’t really an option.  They were my new roommates, and therefore they were automatically and rather optimistically seen as my new homies, and I was excited by the prospects my new home life and my freedom from the incessant putdown that was my sister.